A Fresh Approach to Couples Counseling

When a new couple comes to me for counseling, it is not unusual for them to have already tried at least one or two other therapists. Yet, they often haven't seen as much movement as they had hoped. They are looking for dramatic change - true transformation - and it feels hard to come by. Here's how the approach I offer differs from more 'traditional' couples/relationship therapy.

• Direct approach: Many therapists nurture, validate, and affirm without pairing those things with compassionate confrontation. When you come to me for couples counseling I will, often by the end of the first session, tell you exactly what pattern(s) are hijacking your relationship and I will invite you into a new way forward. I have found that most couples feel great relief at having a therapist name the issue or issues. This direct approach allows us to get right down to business.

• Every problem is not 50-50: It may be a bitter pill to swallow, but not all problems in a relationship are 50-50. Often, relationship therapists may be reluctant to 'take sides'. As someone training in Relational Life Therapy (developed by Terry Real), I know the value of taking sides with warmth and loving firmness. The relationship is my client and I am firmly on the side of change. My goal is to take sides against relationship-defeating strategies that couples often unknowingly get stuck in. Once we change those, forward movement can begin again. I am able to skillfully confront grandiose, anti-relational behaviors such as minimization, dismissal, stonewalling, and verbal abuse in a way that holds clients accountable while motivating real change.

• Skill building (and dealing with the part of you that doesn't want to use them): One of Terry Real's many sayings is "“Other therapies teach you skills. We deal with the part of you that doesn’t want to use them.” In our work together you will learn about some of the neurobiology behind why you get SO 'triggered' by that 'thing' your partner does, and how to act differently and more skillfully when it inevitably happens. We often explore family of origin and how, as adults, so much of our behavior in relationships comes about through modeling or reacting to the way parents/caregivers raised us. This is not about blaming our parents/caregivers, but rather about moving forward with awareness. You will learn to take responsibility for your needs and communicate effectively.

Relationship therapy with me is not about reasserting the old status quo. Instead, it is about fostering a whole new relationship. One that is more connected and aligned with yourself, your partner, and the world around you. You deserve a more connected, vibrant relationship. Your partner deserves it. Your kids and those around you deserve it.

Warmly,

-Zoë

Are you feeling stuck in patterns that you and your partner need help shifting? I have in-person sessions available at my Prairie du Sac office. I also offer Telehealth sessions for anyone located in the State of Wisconsin. If you are interested in a 20 minute (no charge) consult, please click the 'Request Consult' button on the top right of my website.